What Do You Do?

The seemingly innocent question from completely innocent hearts simply trying to learn more about you. “So, what do you do?” For many people this is actually a difficult question, whether because it is difficult to actually describe their current job or career or maybe they are in-between jobs right now. Or maybe like me they wear many hats, yet can’t exactly explain what they do.

Every time I am asked this question I want to reply, “which day and what time?” Currently, on Tuesday and some Friday mornings I am a lifeguard. On Monday mornings I am a water aerobics instructor. On Wednesday nights I am an instructional tball coach. During the months of August through October (and sometimes during the summer) I am an assistant volleyball coach. During the school year I am a substitute teacher. All of which I actually receive small pay checks for. Non of which I consider a job, because well they are more like hobbies to me, I enjoy doing them.

With that said, most often I settle for telling those new faces I just met, or old ones I’m catching up with, that I am a stay at home mom. Which is most definitely a job for those of you out there who do exactly that and question whether it would be considered a job. It is my first priority job, and the one I spend most of my time at. No, I don’t get a set hourly wage, or an actual yearly income. Honestly, I hardly get any time off. And yes, I do in fact get to spend more time with my babies, which is the first comment I get after saying my answer. However, I do so much more than spend time with them. I am blessed with the opportunity to be the adult that my children interact with most. I am able to instill our families beliefs and our values. I get to be more of an influence on what will shape those tiny minds and behaviors. I get to show them constantly what love looks like, explain why kindness is the answer, and teach them how and why God is so important to us. I am raising my little humans to be their best, to be kind, to love, to be strong, to be disciplined, to learn, and so much more. I am choosing to have more of an impact on my child.

That my friends, when asked what I do, is why I choose to say, “I am a stay at home mom.”

LOVE

“And now these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love.” – 1Corinthians 13:13

The Bible is pretty clear on this one, love God, love one another, love yourself, or put simply: just love.

Romans chapter 12 tells us many ways in which we are to act in love. We are to honor one another above ourselves. We are also supposed to honor ourself. We should share with those in need, and bless each other instead of cursing each other. Do not partake in revenge. Don’t be proud or conceited, and don’t distance yourself from those you think are of lower position than you. Your worth and their worth are the same in God’s eyes, and that worth is extraordinarily high. Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

It is easy to see love with your children. You love them, so you take care of them right? We clothe them, make good food choices for them, let them play and bike, and run for exercise. We spend time with them, and we build them up. We (should) talk positively to them, and help them recognize their worth. We also discipline them when needed, because we love them.

When we love ourself, we take care of ourself. We should spend time with ourselves. We should make good food choices, and get exercise. We should build ourself up with positivity not negativity. We should also be disciplined, in our behavior and our choices. (more on positivity in another post)

We also need to love one another in some of the same ways. “Each of us should please his neighbor for his good, to build him up” – Romans 15:2. We should not drag each other down with insults and gossip, but should bring positivity into someone else’s life. We need to show that we love them, and maybe you are the only person in their life who is a positive influence. Maybe there is a person in your life that needs at least one person to show them that love, so be that person. Build up your neighbor and help them recognize their self worth, just as you build up yourself and your children.

It is hard to love everyone. There are people you just can’t stand, or don’t like, or are aggravatingly annoying. I find that if I pray for my own heart to be opened, for patience and compassion to fill me, then it is much easier to love them. It is easier to be a friend when I pray for these things:

“Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with

Compassion

Kindness

Humilty

Gentleness and

Patience”

Colossians 3:12

If we pray for these to be always present in our hearts, then we will be able to love more, and love better.

One Size Fits Most

So I think we have all reached the conclusion that there is no “one size fits all”. However we are seeing more and more of the “one size fits most” philosophy. Though it does not claim to fit “all” it still gives the impression that you will most likely fit into this size because you are probably part of the “most” right? Well, too many times I have tried on garments that are labeled as this, and guess what, it doesn’t fit. (GASP!) One or more parts of it are too big/small, too long/short. Now I am not a tiny human, but I am also not big. I am a runner, but I don’t have what you would call “runner legs”, instead I have voluptuous shapely thighs and buttocks. My stomach isn’t as flat as it was before kids, but it doesn’t exactly stick out, it is just…a different shape. I am considered “average height” at 5’6″ yet many pants are long on me. I am as uniquely shaped as I am uniquely wired in my personality and thinking.

Now this thought of “one size fits most” does not limit itself to articles of clothing, many people (including “experts) apply this to diet, to exercise, and even to faith. What we need to realize is just as this approach is unreliable with clothes, it is unreliable with everything else. God created each of us as unique human beings, so why do we think that what worked for so-and-so down the street will work for us? You want to lose weight, so you ask your doctor, who recommends the low fat diet because it is most widely advertised. But instead of losing those pounds, you gain a few more. Your friend lost weight on this certain exercise program so you decide to try it, however you find it boring and skip a few days, or you cannot do all of the movements, and you lose nothing. A runner claims that running 40 mile weeks are the best way to improve your time, but you can only ever seem to get around 25, so now you think there is no way to get faster until you have more time to run. Half of your Bible study group claim to wake up every morning and have a quiet devotion time because that is the best way to start the day, so you give it a try, only to find your kids are early risers and you spend more time trying to get them distracted than on your devotion. Then you feel like you aren’t faithful enough because you can’t spend your morning one on one with God. All of these things worked for “most”, so you must be an outlier, not one of the few privy enough to be in the “most” group.

Guess what, nothing is one size fits most, and simply because it doesn’t work for you does not mean you are a failure, it only means you have to be willing to find what does work. You have to experiment and see what is the perfect combination that is going to work uniquely for you. Now there are experts out there who know this, and will help you and guide you to find it, but keep in mind it’s not all of them.

So the low fat diet eating doesn’t work for you, try something else, low carb, clean eating, paleo, whole 30, count macros, count only calories just find which one makes YOU feel the best.

So you dislike workout videos, try walking, biking, swimming, lifting, yoga, etc. Find something you enjoy doing so you can stick with it.

So you can only run 25 miles a week instead of 40. Throw in a couple speed workouts with your current routine and you can find a way to get faster.

So you can’t get in that devotion every morning. Send up a quick prayer as you hear your little one’s footsteps coming down the hall, and get in your Bible reading some other time that day or set aside a few days a week to make sure you get it in. God enjoys any time with you, whether it is in prayer, with children, or one-on-one.

All in all please ignore anyone who is trying to sell you their “one size fits most” approach and YOU DO YOU. Do what makes YOU feel good, what works with YOUR life, and do what YOU love doing.

Time

Some days drag on while others fly by in a flash. Around here the summer days are “longer” with the sun setting later and later; the winter days are “short” with the sun setting as early as 5 sometimes! It seems that even though the sun is up longer during the spring and summer, there is not enough time to get it all done. You see, during the winter I am able to run, lift, and clean the house easily, along with spend time with my kiddos, and still get them to bed at a decent bed time! During the summer, well, if I don’t get my run in the morning it likely won’t happen (waaaay to hot after about 8:00), and lifting comes second to chores which multiply during the summer. Not only am I supposed to have the house clean (which I dislike staying inside unless it’s 100+ or under 10 degrees Fahrenheit), but during the spring, summer, and into fall, there is mowing to be done (about 3-4 hours worth of it), gardens to be tended, weeds to be picked, projects to be done, wood to be stained, trees to be taken care of, and the list goes on! By the time I realize what happened, it is 7:00 and I still need to make dinner and get the kids to bed!

The house falls behind, my workout routine is all thrown off, and unfortunately my devotional time also falls behind. All of the sudden I realize its been a week since I’ve opened my Bible. For the most part this could be solved by me simply setting my alarm clock, and doing it first thing in the morning. It wouldn’t require much, my kids normally get up around 6:30-7 in the morning, so a simple 6:00 alarm would allow me to get in that much needed daily time in His presence. This “simple” alarm gets harder when my husband is not working, when I need to start my run earlier and earlier, and when my kids wake up earlier. Truth is, I could still make time. My kids are getting old enough (almost 3 and 5) that I can still do my time while they eat breakfast or play around in the morning. I can still cuddle with my husband that extra 30 minutes and go do my devotion during that loll in the morning, in between breakfast and getting outside. If I can get up to go run early, then I can get up an extra 15 minutes earlier to read my Bible as well. That is the truth, and I even though I struggle to keep it in routine year round, I am forced to recognize that it is my priorities that are getting in my way. I need to continue to check in with myself and make sure God is my number one priority, and that I am spending time daily with Him.

Trying to fit it all in is impossible. I cannot possibly get all of the chores done, the house clean, a run, throw some weights around, take the kids to the pool, blah blah blah, and a devotion. However, I can make sure I do a couple things every day that will show where my priorities lie.

Do my devotion first thing in the morning, then it won’t get lost in the day.
Do something fun with my kids (and husband when he is off work).
Run OR Lift (maybe both, maybe not)

These 3 checklists are all I really need. Everything else will work out eventually. The grass will be mowed, even if it grew a bit too tall. The house will get cleaned, even if it really needed it a couple days ago. The chores will be taken care of, and nothing will spiral out of control if they have to wait another day, there are more important things to focus on.

Spiritual Gifts

I’m sure you have heard of spiritual gifts at some point in your life. These gifts are given to you by God to enable you to complete His work. The thing is, these gifts are not set in stone. God will give you various spiritual gifts throughout your life to help you complete different tasks and works that He wants to to help Him complete. The key here is to focus on the call not on the gift. Remember God will not always pick something you are comfortable with either. It is more evident that He gave you the gift when it is a weakness of yours and you succeed than if you succeed with something you were already good at.

I have never felt like I have had a specific purpose for Him; I cannot recall a time I knew He gave me a gift or a purpose solely for Him. However the current Bible Study I am reading pointed out, God is always at work around us and sometimes we need to step back and look at what He is doing, and then we can see a way to join in. I am currently trying to figure out what I can do and where I can help. For now I think I am doing good focusing on how to be a loving mother to my children, an obedient wife to my husband, and a shoulder to lean on for my friends. If I can love them and slowly start to spread my love to everyone around me, then maybe I will find out more on what God is doing in my town and how I can help.